"What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?"
- Ursula K. LeGuin, author (1929- )
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Thursday the 17th
(2:25pm) I know everything will work out fine, but I find that my biggest struggle is *not* learning or studying. It's the fight *against worry*. I've got good grades in my classes, but I worry that may change by the time grades come out. My classes next semester are lined up / paid for, but I'm not sure I grasp the concepts *this semester* I need in order to succeed next semester.
When I specifically walk away and take a breather, and try to relax, I feel I should instead be working continuously without a break. It's something that I intellectually don't understand and yet keep feeling. What's with that ?!?
*sigh*
Being in school is more of a flashback experience to UF than I expected it to be -- I knew going in to this I'd have trouble, but to relive so much of the rank stench of fear is surprising.
I know intellectually that these emotions do not rule me. Even less do they describe my real state of existence. I feel them, acknowledge them, and let them go. Or at least try: they need a good hard shove ... they don't want to go away on their own :)
In conversation with a classmate a couple hours ago, I said that by summer I will be fully comfortable with school. Though surprising at the time, I meant it. I realize now I still feel that way.
Tuesday the 15th
(9:15pm) Getting ready to watch NCIS ... we just got a DVR and we're both having fun setting up auto-recording future shows. So far we've got Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy, Psych, Grimm, Once Upon a Time, Hawaii Five-O, NCIS, and NCIS:LA.
Finished working pizza delivery about an hour ago - the manager, Mark, stopped the usual procedures when he got promoted. Morale is very, very low: the closing manager and closing driver do all the work now. All the drivers scheduled for the dinner rush get to make money then go home scot-free - they/I do no clean-up whatsoever. It just feels wrong - when I have to close, I don't want to be stuck with all the dishes! And if I were the closing manager, I wouldn't want to have to do them either.
But I'm trying to be "part of the solution, not part of the problem." So I'm just rollin' with the changes. I close on Fridays, so I'm on the spot as much as anyone. We'll see how it goes.
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